Generally I have it all good, I'm healthy, I have an own apartment, I'm living on my own(alone), I have a job and I have friends... But those things aren't enough if you feel like there is no one that you could talk to anymore. And nobody that cares.And feeling like that makes me very miserable most of the time.
I've been feeling like this for the past year or more actually. Or rather I've always felt like this but it got worse when my friends started dating and moved to another cities. I was left alone there, and had no one to talk to. And when you don't have people to go out with you don't meet new people. I've also always been pretty bad with meeting new people. Especially when it's a big group, and you would need to get a word in somewhere within the conversation so that people would notice you. But I dare not to, since I don't know the people well enough. It's easier for me with 1 or 2 persons at a time. But even then it usually takes me a long time to fully open and to start to trust anyone.
And now I think I should mention that I've never had a boyfriend. Which is something people manage to remind me of everyday, either intentionally or unintentionally. I know I might be overstating this, but that is how I feel. But still a few months ago a new friend I just had met asked me; How is it possible that you don't have a boyfriend? And then she added; Everyone else at work has! (We were working at the same place). Well... you can imagine what I felt... I didn't know what to say... I think I just answered her that I didn't know why it is so. Which is by the way true, since I don't know why I am still alone. Of course it is because of my behavior... Me not being able to be myself around people that seem interesting to me...
I see that I am being very jumpy. Next time, I will be more precise and stay in one topic. I hope.
